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Stuart Oke Stuart Oke’s journey started in Cambodia in 1961. In the midst of civil war, Oke was born the middle child of a family of 32. His mother, exhausted from childbirths, and his father, a revolutionary fighter in the war known only as “Japanese Mockingbird”, were both rarely at home, fighting the corporate war as well as the civil one. Greenpeace extremists planned an assassination attempt on his father, but, in a tragic accident involving butter, sprockets and 29 kilograms of Nitro-glycerine Polyformulae Tinfoil Extract, his entire family was killed. He soon came to hate activists, and still shows it today in his work. He first became a producer at Nautical Extremists, a small and extremely offensive smuggling tabloid, in 1987. There he began NETV, or Nautical Extremist Television, and produced an amateur political commentary show called “Why the President Should Be Harmed, Physically, By Me…and Probably the Vice-President Too”. Due its long and hardly recognizable name, it was cancelled, and Stuart went deep into a pit of depression. He started Tall Tall Stuart when he met John William (Last) in a synchronized raid on Canadian Blood Society outposts in 1999. Here he saw William’s crude pictures and modernized them into a family appropriate story. Today he is an executive in the Tall Tall Stuart Corporation of Canada and makes an average salary of seven figures a year, spending it mostly on anonymous phone sex lines and jujubes, often used together. Today, he is still in that pit, but now uses his depression as a weapon against his enemies. He continues to wish to physically harm people, and is active in the community. He hopes to someday earn his freedom. John William (Last) was born in a small fishing village in southern France in 1921. His parents, malicious and evil, sold him as a sideshow and never taught him French. Due to the language barrier, he was soon cast out of society, and began to hate the French. The circus called him “Devil Face”, and was beaten until he said “Have a Wa-wa-wa-wa-wicked Wednesday,” much to the amusement of the crowd. After four years of terrible treatment, he drugged and chopped to bits with weedwhackers and hot toothpicks, while conscious, the circus leader, and took over the circus, using acrobats and elephants to steal rare diamonds, funding his military operations in Cuba, Cambodia, and the United States. While leader of the circus, he began the first Tall Tall Stuart cartoons, called the Unwholesome, Gruesome, and Overwhelmingly Sexually Provacative Tales of Massive Ass, I Mean Really Massive Ass Stuart. It featured Tall Tall as a sideshow in a travelling circus, including memorable characters like The Horny Midget and Patricia the Teenage Maharaja Zulu Warrior of the Faith Turtle. He came to Canada in 1941 when Operation Melting Pot, a military mission in Northern Paris, failed, and he was exiled to the coldest place existing…Shilo, Manitoba. Here he was raised by a foster family to act like a child again, and continued to do so until 1976. At this age, he was loosing the ability to fool people, so he invented a youthenizing machine, disguising himself as a thirteen year-old boy. It was, however, stolen by Dell, and he had to remain a 13 year old for the rest of his miserable life. He first met Oke when he went for a blood withdrawal at the Canadian Blood Society, and saw him secretly un-contaminating the pre-contaminated blood that the CBS used. Stuart and John soon ran off to Burma together, and started a five-star amusement park called Winston Links. They returned to Canada, and Stuart gave creative tips to John’s still offensive Tall Tall Stuart cartoons. Here they began The Wholesome Adventures of Tall Tall Stuart. John now lives in a shack off the coast of Newfoundland where he spends most of his time being forced by producers to write more cheap material for the boys at the Tall Tall Corporation to sell at ridiculously high prices. He also wishes to someday earn his freedom. |