"Beep, beep, beep, let Bell notify you if this line becomes free in the next - two - minutes, press star...a ninety five hundred cent charge applies" said the automated voice on the phone line. Calcierous and the cow were not able to get in touch. They hung up. When they tried the number again, they got a different message... "The number you have dialed is not in service, please hang up and try your call again - this is a recording." It became apparent that the cows of Bovinia had not paid their phone bill, which is obvious, seeing as how they’re Amish.
Suddenly the cow realized that it wasn’t the Bovinian’s fault that they were Amish, and therefore he decided to send a message, once again, via shhhnail-mail. But Calcierous thought that cow was handling it too lightly, and he did feel a bit of angst against those hippy Amish. "But it is their fault they’re Amish," he replied to the cow, "in a socio-dynamic econometric system, the Amish can not resist from the advancing tele-commercial hypocrisies that invade their intergalactical monotonies." "I’m just gonna snap," the cow replied, but then he remembered that he couldn’t talk and added "moo." To this Naholopetamon stated, "Yeah, Janet Reno sucks"... but then realized he wasn’t in the conversation, nor had he been listening to it. To which Mrs. C. responded, "Yah!" from beyond the grave, but then realized that she was dead and not cool enough of a spirit to talk to living people. "Yah," added the penguin, but he then realized that he was only referred to in the last chapter, and didn’t really have a place in this one. Suddenly he blew up and all was good. "I hate you guys" said Cartman...on the TV screen. The cow knew he had to contact the moo-beam soon, lest he be forced to find out what the ‘or else’ was. "Screw you guys, I’m going home." Cartman added.
The "or else", completely drop-dead obviously, was that the good land would be invaded by amoebas (single-celled organisms). The cow shuddered at the thought of the amoeba, and the badness that would come with them, and all was not quite to the same level of degree of goodness as it normally is.
Calcierous called John Edwards and he summoned the spirit of Dr. Einstein. Einstein came and eliminated the single-celled organisms. "Neat," said he. Next John Edwards called on the elephant man, just for fun. The elephant man reminded them that amoebas can do no harm. The phone line went dead, and a chilling silence consumed the land. Suddenly, first contact was made. "Moo moo mooo moo" (subtitle: ‘Hello puny earthlings’) said the loud, booming voice.
The cows had come. They stood on their ship outside the Telus™ Superstore and spoke with their moogaphones. "Mmmmoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." The ground rumbled. They all knew that the amoeba had come. But what the amoeba would do was another story, to be told right now.
The Bovinians cow-napped the big brown cow and began the de-uddering process. The big brown cow mooooed in pain while Calcierous sat idly by, chewing bubble-gum. Once on the ship, the Bovinians began the ultimate punishment...they called the big brown cow "bad" and threw him off the ship. "Thud." As they pulled away, they threw the udder out of the ship, and it landed on Calcierous in the form of a hat.
The cow was heartbroken. Calcierous was warmed in the head. Everything that had once been was lost, and the page of a new chapter slowly turned across the sky.