There once were some little guys chillin', maxin and relaxin' and such, and avast ye scurvy sea-dogs - they were happy. Malcatro was attempting to master the art of seamsistry by sewing a giant scrunchie to a wooden leg. Calcierous, laughed hysterically, the most obvious of reactions coming from a hyena. It was soon apparent that Malcatro needed some "extra special help" with concern to his, erm, seamsistry. So, of course, he went off to the only place that one could go in such a land as this, the land, and that magical, mystical, monotonous, madjectivial, place was called sea-m world™.
His teacher; the youngest, most seductive, seducing, sombre, sea-worthy, snow-sucking, seamstress that Malcatro had ever seen, was a dolphin. The dolphin spoke with Dolphin-ease, but Malcatro could understand with ease. She said to him that there was more to seamiry than it seemed. He questioned like a good Rage Against the Machine fan should, but eventually conformed to her idea. He made the decision to be an open-mined citizen, paralleling a cute little chip-monk. By the way, the dolphin teacher's name was Michy.
Michy explained that lesson one was learning how to perform a circumstitchen. This involved the sewing of mittens onto the hands of curious teenage aardvarks. Malcatro thought this was odd, but wanting to master the arts he deemed the act partially acceptable. Coupled with his advanced knowledge of mittenology, Malcatro knew that if he applied himself in the right areas he could soon master the subtle, yet outspoken art of circumstitchen.
On the third day of the third week of the eighth month, Malcatro suddenly knew that he possessed the knowledge of seamsistry. To complete the learning, he was instructed to write a quick, five-paragraph essay in his "off-time". He needed to apply all of his knowledge in this essay, as studies had shown that if he didn't, he would feel ever so slightly unhappy in the days to come. This suddenly made little sense to Malcatro.
Malcatro could not begin to comprehend how he could put all of his ideas about seamistry into one bloody, blasphemous, blatantly, beligerant essay totalling to only five lousy paragraphs. I mean HONESTLY now, how the hell do you fit all of your damn ideas into one paper. JUMP THROUGH THESE HOOPS LITTLE DOLPHIN! CONFORM OR GET OUT. In this world there isn't room for people who won't jump through the hoops. You may know the ins and outs of sewing, but unless you can express it in 5 'paragraphs', what do you know- eh? Nothing! That's what! NOTHING!
Anywho, Malcatro gave Michy the finger and returned to his friends. Ed fetched Malcatro a drink, and some water-based crazy glue. Ed, being the wench he was, knew not of the deep, inner feelings that were involved with sewing. His ununderstandingness of the situation gave him little ground for his next theory, that all cats ate blue hermits. Malcatro and Ed decided to continue with their alphabet letter, starting at 'ARRRRRRRR'.